Weddings! Could it mean sacrificing so much for such a short time? I mean seriously! Let’s face it, it shouldn’t be this complicated. I guess the fact that my fiancée and I are doing most of the work ourselves isn’t helping in some respects. The good news is that we will be able to get married in the temple and that our reception is going to look amazing. I’ll definitely have to post pictures when we get them from the photographer. It is going to be a fantastic day though! I can barely contain myself. We only have 17 days to go! Can we say “Stressful”!

On a bit of a different note I finished my final classes at the community college I was attending and got 2 “B’s” and an “A”. All in all it was a good semester, definitely better than the one before that. I must say that I am exceptionally happy to be finished with community college. It seemed more like high school with ashtrays more than anything else. The school I will be attending in the fall is going to be amazing. I am excited to enjoy new opportunities for growth and learning. Most importantly I finally get to be a “real college student.”

I can’t imagine anything being more complicated or expensive. My fiancée and I are trying to finish the plans for the wedding and it is fairly taxing (both figuratively and literally speaking). I am so happy that she wants me to be involved in the planning. It is nice getting to work together planning this; it really helps me to see how we handle stressful situations. I love the fact that she hasn’t had her wedding planned since she was twelve. There are so many things I love about her. We just finished picking out invitations and they are on order. They should be here in a few weeks. We finished picking out a cake, we also found the perfect photographer. It should be an amazing day. Only Sixty-three days left! Whoa!

Amazing and exciting news! My fiancée and I are officially accepted to the University that we were both applied for, we are very excited. What makes it all that much more amazing is that the day after I was accepted I got a phone call from the University housing saying that an apartment opened up and they would like to know if we would like it. So our lives went from not knowing what we are doing to knowing exactly what we are doing. I spent Friday night and Saturday morning drawing up an education plan. It was exciting to not only get the news but also to make a plan that I know will lead me to an amazing degree. I’ll blog more later but I just wanted to share the exciting news.

I’m sure some of you that may read this probably feel the same way. When I look to see what my stats are for the day/week/month etc, it is only slightly sad to see that I have zero hits for the day. I know I don’t post much, frankly because I don’t have a lot of time and the day in and day out workings of my life really aren’t all that exciting. I figure you would (my faithful readers, that was sarcasm folks) would much rather read something interesting as opposed to mindless dribble in which I ramble endlessly about everything and nothing, but I could be wrong. Perhaps that is exactly what you may want; mindless day to day “stuff” that has little or no meaning. Perhaps my “pearls” of wisdom are being “cast” in the wrong direction. I’m sitting once again working on homework and I am really tired. I need some down time where I can actually catch up with “life” but alas right now I have more to do than I have time to do it. Time management my friends is what this process is going to take. Did I mention I was engaged and that my time management really stinks right now? When it was just me, it was easy, I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but now I have to plan around my fiancée’s schedule and mine, and many others as well. I don’t mean to complain, I’m grateful for my busy life because it means I am actually accomplishing something (well okay attempting to accomplish something anyway).

This past weekend I attended a wedding and two receptions, this was torture at points but also nice as well. It reminded me of everything my fiancée and I have yet to do to get ready for our wedding. We only have 15 weeks left and of those we really only have 15 Wednesdays because that is the only afternoon/evening we both have off. So what does this mean you ask? It means that we have 15 days to plan/take care of the wedding. Yes that is correct, stuff everything that goes into a wedding into a little over two weeks and that is what we have to work with. Slightly daunting if you ask me, but alas, somehow it will all get done. I only hope that something else doesn’t come up and mess up our two weeks. Back to the weekend, my friend that I have known for over 15 years was married to a significantly older (than her) gentleman. They didn’t seem to go together very well, definitely had the “odd couple” aura about them. I hope they are happy and that they aren’t just in it for the physical (although if you saw this guy I couldn’t imagine for the life of me she is in it for that) affection and security that goes with being married. The fun part was that they had the wedding/reception on a boat. What was only slightly annoying was that you were basically trapped for about four hours with people you may or may not like; most of these people were fairly well intoxicated not too long into the “jaunt”. Fun to watch; absolutely! It was embarrassing at points because the moron younger brother was a loud mouth without alcohol and even worse with alcohol. They should have stopped him drinking a whole lot sooner than they did (if they did I might add). He would create those ever so fun “memories” of the one person that shouldn’t have been a memory at all. None-the-less, I am happy for her I suppose. I have to say at this point I am glad that it wasn’t me. Her mother for the longest time tried to set her daughter and I up on a date, however I wasn’t interested in her even slightly (she can be loud and obnoxious frequently, and I don’t do loud and obnoxious ever). She was a friend and that is all she would ever be, so her getting married was VERY nice in that regard.

The second reception was a little classier, there was no alcohol and the people could come and go as they please (I felt trapped on the boat in the first wedding, more than once and I was REALLY grateful that my fiancée was there otherwise I would have gone nuts). This made the evening significantly more uplifting than the afternoon. The second reception although fairly decent had two major flaws: their colors and their “display case”. They had chocolate/poop brown and teal as their colors. Although they went together fairly well they were lacking in the fact that teal was VERY overwhelming and distracting. If they would have used the brown a little more and the teal a little less it would have been a lot better but I must say teal and brown was a bad idea to begin with. Trust me; it did not work to the benefit of ANYONE in the bridal party or the guests. One of the bride’s maids looked like a giant walking piece of poop (it didn’t help that she was a rather large girl as well) with a piece of teal ribbon tied around her mid section. Poop on a rope anyone? I have yet to see that one…soap perhaps but definitely not poop. The other thing that bothered me about the second reception was that they had all of the bride and groom’s awards that they had ever won on display. It seemed tacky to say the least. I can appreciate that the parents or whomever were proud of their children but if those were my parents I would have told them to forget it. I am going to be on display enough as it is on my wedding day; I don’t need to show off my trophies to the world (I don’t have that many anyway so it wouldn’t take up much space but I digress). It felt forced and ill thought out. I have never seen that done before (thank goodness) and I hope to NEVER see it happen again.

Finally, you might ask how the wedding plans are going, and well let’s just say I am very happy that the wedding isn’t this weekend. We have our colors picked out (marine blue and platinum), the tuxedos, the reception site, and the wedding site. That’s it! No flowers, cake, photographer, invitations, dresses, decorations, center pieces…blah blah blah, etc. That isn’t to say that we haven’t done anything for the wedding but that what we have don’t hasn’t been enough to say it is complete or decided. We went cake tasting (which was the best part so far), we’ve gone dress shopping (she looked amazing and we aren’t superstitious so I have already seen her in several wedding dresses). I want to be a part of this wedding (I wasn’t a part of my first wedding and it was annoying, it was my wedding too and all I basically did was show up which really pissed me off because I wanted to be a part of it and she just kept on telling me that it was basically her wedding). I guess that is one reason my first marriage didn’t last, after she said “yes” my life wasn’t my own. I should have walked away when I had the chance on the first one but didn’t which was the biggest error on my part but I digress once again. My fiancée now on the other hand loves that I am involved in the wedding and we are working together to make this happen. It is somewhat daunting but still good.

Have you ever noticed that when life is action packed and drama filled all you can do is hold on and wait for it to be over? Yet when it is boring you somehow miss the exciting times and wax nostalgia about having so much to do. Am I alone in this? I don’t know just a thought. Right now my life is fairly hectic. I am going to school part time, working part time, planning a wedding, and working on getting into a 4 year University. I have precious little time to enjoy life (at least not the kind of enjoyment I would prefer). I am not complaining. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything. I would just like the opportunity to breathe once in a while. I know that getting married won’t necessarily solve the time problem but at least we won’t have a wedding to plan. At least I may get more sleep than I currently do, it seems like we never have enough time together. Just when we start enjoying each other’s company it is time for me to go or her to go. If nothing else when we are married she and I can fall into bed together and at least have some rest. We have less than four months until the wedding, I am excited and nervous all at the same time. We have virtually nothing done, which adds a bit of stress to us (just a bit I know). We barely have time to sleep, eat, and to do homework much less plan a wedding. I was trying to explain this to my fiancée’s family but they don’t listen to me. I’m not sure they are accepting me as of yet. It is kind of frustrating. I want them to accept me but it isn’t a deal breaker. At least they don’t hate me, which is a nice alternative to past experiences. You know the interesting thing about my life is this that when I was younger I wasn’t very accepted by my peers but adults usually loved me. Now I am not accepted by people that are my senior either (perhaps it has something to do with now most of them are my contemporaries and or peers as well). I know I am rambling, I didn’t say the post was going to be riveting. It’s just a title, I couldn’t think of anything else.

On a happy note though I am finished moving, which is so incredibly nice. I am living in a bedroom of a very nice lady that has two daughters that are in high school and middle school. My room is on the complete other end of the house from theirs and I have my own private bathroom. Although the money situation was nice when it came to living in my parents mobile home the autonomy that goes with being in a stranger’s home is quite nice. I am actually looking forward the most to being in an apartment with just my fiancée and I. No more annoying personalities to deal with and most importantly, it will be our home and we can keep it clean and pretty (I should post pictures of what I use to live in and what it looked like when I left but that will have to be for another post completely). We won’t have much starting out but alas, as I have come to learn not having is almost a blessing sometimes. It means you learn to live without the things that aren’t necessarily important anyway; especially in today’s society there are too many people that can’t distinguish the difference between “wants” and “needs”. You need a place to live (even “homeless” have some where to live even if it is a cardboard box or under a bridge or wherever), you need food, you need air, and fairly important is clothing. Everything else is nice to have but definitely not necessities. I think the world as a whole would be a lot happier if they learned to live within their means and stick to what is important. Cell phones, iPods, cars (luxury), etc are just wants for the most part. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t want better or more than what you have but that you shouldn’t sacrifice your life to buy more “things” that aren’t needed. That’s just my opinion. I’ll get off my soap box now.

Well I suppose I should find something do besides blogging, I certainly have plenty to do, you know with the wedding and what not.

I am engaged to the most amazing woman in the world. She isn’t the problem. I am the problem. Do I love her? YES! Am I completely confident I am making the right decision? NOPE! I want to marry her; I want to spend the rest of my life with her but is it the right thing to do? That is the problem. I can’t imagine my life without her. I want to wake up next to her every morning and fall asleep next to her every night. I want to make love to her, and I only ever want to touch her and no one else. I want her to be the last woman I am ever touched by. I am for the first time in my life content with who I have picked for a spouse. It is my past that is kicking my butt. I have been married twice previously. Those were mistakes, my first wife cheated on me and that relationship was too physical and not enough of the other stuff that makes a relationship successful. My second wife, well I married her to prove to her parents that we could make it: we didn’t. So I am left feeling all these doubts and insecurities about myself or rather my ability to make the right decision (for the record I think I am making the right decision just scared because I thought before I was making the right decision as well). I am trying very hard to overcome them but they just keep coming back. If anyone out there has any thoughts on this please let me know. I could really use some outside help on this one.

Have you ever been told you couldn’t do something or that something was impossible? Has anyone ever told you that “once something…always something”? Well I don’t think that for a minute, not even a second. You see, I can’t or rather I won’t believe something so incredibly diabolical. You see that is what people that are failures say because they want an excuse for not being able to overcome their trials. Now don’t suppose for one minute that I am talking about the impossible being possible by myself. I’m talking about the impossible being possible in and through Jesus Christ. By myself I know that it is impossible to “change my stars,” however I know that through his strength that all things can be restored and that I can be made whole. You see I have been broken for quite a while (although when you think about the eternal perspective it really hasn’t been that long) but I feel that it won’t be long now until I am made whole. Of course I will still struggle, this is life. The difference is I have hope, I have hope that if I continue on the path that I have chosen that I WILL be made whole, perhaps not in this life, perhaps in the life to come but it will come. It is only a matter of time and frankly given my tenacity I am very confident that I will do marvelously. I don’t know how to quit; I don’t know how to fail. I may loser the battle sometimes but I know that through the strength that is being offered me that I can and WILL win the war. There isn’t a mountain that I can’t climb; there isn’t a valley that I can’t wade through with His strength. In Psalms 23:4 it says “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” I certainly echo this sentiment. I believe that I can be restored to my pure and unadulterated person that I once was, but it is only through him. I am not a second rate person, I am a good person. I am kind and caring. I love to love. I have overcome many things to be where I am, and I will continue to work hard to overcome all of the obstacles that life throws at me. Not of my own strength mind you but certainly of Christ’s strength. It is through him and only him that I will be made whole.

In Hebrews 12:6 it says “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” A funny yet meaningful retort to this was in the movie Evan Almighty where Evan is being “chastened” and he looks to the Heavens and says “Could you love me a little less?” Well I have to say at points sometimes I wish he would “love me a little less.” I am not really serious of course but there have been so many things that have happened in my life. Things that I can’t talk about, more to the point things I don’t have time to talk about. I want to share them with you but it would just take incredibly too much time. I will be sharing with you as much as possible from now on of course but the last few months are just going to have to live on in my memory. I will share with you one important detail though, I got engaged last year and I will be getting married this year. So I hope to be able to share with you all of the happenings of my pending nuptials. I will also be sharing with you my happenings at college, something I feel is important to share as, an education is priceless.

I am starting this blog because the other blog I was writing was being read by people that have issues that I don’t want to have to deal with. So here I am starting a new. I am hoping that I can blog again and keep with what my purpose in blogging was and that is to keep a bit of a journal. You see I am terrible at writing in an actual journal but I would like to keep these memories and feelings so I can look back on them later in life. My other blog will still exist but it will no longer have any posts. So let the fun begin…happy blogging.