I am engaged to the most amazing woman in the world. She isn’t the problem. I am the problem. Do I love her? YES! Am I completely confident I am making the right decision? NOPE! I want to marry her; I want to spend the rest of my life with her but is it the right thing to do? That is the problem. I can’t imagine my life without her. I want to wake up next to her every morning and fall asleep next to her every night. I want to make love to her, and I only ever want to touch her and no one else. I want her to be the last woman I am ever touched by. I am for the first time in my life content with who I have picked for a spouse. It is my past that is kicking my butt. I have been married twice previously. Those were mistakes, my first wife cheated on me and that relationship was too physical and not enough of the other stuff that makes a relationship successful. My second wife, well I married her to prove to her parents that we could make it: we didn’t. So I am left feeling all these doubts and insecurities about myself or rather my ability to make the right decision (for the record I think I am making the right decision just scared because I thought before I was making the right decision as well). I am trying very hard to overcome them but they just keep coming back. If anyone out there has any thoughts on this please let me know. I could really use some outside help on this one.
And then there was doubt
February 19, 2008 by arcin